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Blorboposting again

Things that make me insane about Minthara's romance(s):

"I wanted this, for myself." Even in the midst of her total brain fog by the Absolute, she knows she wants to be close to Tav. Even when she's been manipulated not to merely serve, but to serve in ecstasy, she wants to be near Tav and that is the one thing she chooses to pursue for her own ends--which are purely pleasure and comfort.
This could have easily been a victory bang one night stand, which might have tracked with her being the "evil" companion, but it clearly meant more to her from the very beginning. She stays with Tav after the sex, she snuggles, and she willingly bears her heart to Tav about her fears and anxieties regarding the Absolute and her place on the surface.
If Tav pries into her thoughts while she's sleeping, they see "the scars of a life spent anticipating betrayal." Life in Menzoberranzan trained her to expect a knife in the back constantly, and she remains paranoid about this even on the surface. But even so, she takes this moment with Tav, seeking to overcome her own fears about intimacy.
The skill check you have to pass to convince her not to kill Tav? 2. She is looking for a reason to not have to kill Tav, even if Tav spoke complete heresy to her. She wants to let Tav live, she wants to see them again at Moonrise.
Obviously, the big sad puppy eyes when she turns to see Tav during her castigation in Moonrise. Worst moment of her life and who steps through the door? The one person she has wanted to be close to maybe since she left the Underdark.
The way the two gnomes torturing her call out her "longing for acceptance and affection from a mortal," which confirms that her night with Tav always meant more to her than just a hook-up. She wanted more than just physical intimacy--she wanted something emotional. And that is what is being highlighted in her torment as one of her worst failures--that she, essentially, wants to be loved.
Related to the above - after Orin is killed, Minthara sort of laments that if not for Tav's strange act of mercy in saving her from Ketheric and Z'rell, she would have been just one more casualty in Tav's quest to destroy the Absolute, and "nobody would remember me."
"You came. I prayed that you would." I am howling at the moon. Minthara, the paladin, prays for Tav. For Tav to come rescue her. Minthara, who spurned Lolth, who has realized the Absolute was a lie, prays for Tav to come and save her.
The interplay between Minthara and a Dark Urge's respective relationships with Orin--how Orin's brainwashing and torment was what set Minthara on her quest for revenge against the Absolute, and how Durge was perhaps the very first of the cult's victims and all the amnesia they've struggled with throughout the game the result of Orin's torture.
Related to the above - if Minthara is the one kidnapped by Orin in Act III, that once again Orin has taken Minthara captive and once again Tav will free her.
The way Minthara tries to pry into Tav's mind again in Act III, only to quickly withdraw and apologize for not asking first. Minthara! Apologizing! That instead of letting it go, she still asks if she can be allowed to look into Tav's mind, because she is so desperate to see how Tav sees her. If Tav says they'd rather just use words to tell her, Minthara insists that the parasite connection is more true and accurate, and she wants to see that.
That she is hoping Tav sees her like a lover, and is openly disappointed if that's not the case. (Tie back to point 5.)
The way she begs to see herself through Tav's eyes, because "without Lolth, without the Absolute, without my home, I do not know myself." Her sense of self is so tenuous that she turns to someone else to help her understand herself--and that person is Tav, possibly the only person in the world she trusts.
The adoring look she gives Tav after some of their kisses, followed by the throaty "thank you." Thank you! She thanks Tav for their gestures of affection! (Tie back to point 5.)
That she is quietly poisoning Tav to build up their resistance in case they ever go to her homeland.
"I have never needed anyone, but I want you."
The way she is so all-in once her romance is locked in. Tav can become the Slayer, become Bhaal's chosen, become a mind flayer, choose to enslave the brain, choose to destroy the brain, go to Avernus--no matter what they do, Minthara is with them. They are her Person.
Related to the above - if Tav does become a mind flayer and tries to leave her on the grounds that they're a monster, she says "So am I, my love. Let us be monsters together." She "mourns" the loss of the parasite, because she yearns to share minds with Tav in their new state.
If a mind flayer Tav tells her they need to figure out who they are alone, without her, she pleads for just one day to change their mind.
If romanced by a Karlach origin who chooses to die rather than return to Avernus, Minthara is in tears as she promises to stay with Karlach until the end.
If Tav proposes they return to Menzoberranzan and conquer it after defeating the Netherbrain, Minthara casts off Baenre and declares "their" new house will be named after Tav.
During the epilogue, she seems rather keen to leave, and no matter what dialogue option is chosen, she admits to a romanced Tav what bothers her: she's afraid no one there likes her.

Current Mood: disappointed

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Recent Reading: Luck in the Shadows

I really hate to give up on a book, but sometimes, there are too many other tempting things on the horizon to keep ploughing through an active read in the hopes it gets better. Today I put aside Luck in the Shadows by Lynn Flewelling. While I would have liked to have gone all the way to the end before making a judgement, there just over 9 hours still to go on the audiobook and the book has simply not given me enough to power through that.

At nearly 9 hours in (about halfway) my overall feeling towards this book is indifference. Towards the plot, towards the characters, towards the setting. It's very generic fantasy and just doesn't give much to bite onto outside of that. The first half of the plot has some fun adventure elements, but when the mentor-figure, Seregil, becomes incapacitated partway through, the youthful protagonist Alec is simply not enough to carry the story. The second half of the story is more political intrigue, and I can't help but compare it to The Traitor Baru Cormorant which I'm also currently reading, and that comparison does Luck in the Shadows no favors.

Seregil and Alec's escapades are fun, and it's interesting to see the creative ways they go about their tasks, but for me it's not enough to make up for the lackluster plot and detailed but unremarkable worldbuilding.

There's a disappointing dearth of women in the story, although one of the fantasy kingdoms in which the second half of the story takes place has been ruled by a succession of queens for centuries. There is some casual queerness in the story which I liked, but when I looked for more reviews on this to help me decide if it was worth pressing on, I learned (SPOILER) that Alec and Seregil become a couple later on. Given that Alec is barely sixteen at the start of this book, and Seregil is a middle-aged man, I'm just not here for it.

This is the first book of a series (the Nightrunner series), but my general feeling on series is that it's a cop-out to rely on later books to make up for weaknesses in earlier books. Particularly here, where each book gets longer, the author is asking for me to take a lot on trust that this story will get better with time.

I really wanted to like this book, as I really want to like all fantasy novels, but it's just not worth the amount of time investment needed. Also, in general, not looking for stories about adults falling in love with teenagers. Disappointing, but there are other things to move on to.

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Recent Reading: The Twilight Zone

Last night I finished The Twilight Zone by Nona Fernandez, book #9 from the "Women in Translation" rec list. This book was translated from Spanish by Natasha Wimmer.

The Twilight Zone is a nonfiction book, part memoir, part investigative journalism piece by Fernandez, first published in 2016. It concerns Fernandez's study of and memories of growing up under the Pinochet dictatorship in Chile. The author is haunted by the traumas of the regime, both those she experienced firsthand and those she heard about from others, and the book in some ways feels like an exercise in simply trying to reconcile those feelings.

Fernandez's book is of course very specific to the Chilean experience, and yet core parts of her incisive commentary about both the absurdity and the cruelty of autocracies rings true around the world. The exercises the regime goes through in its constant quest for self-preservation are both ridiculous and brutal, feelings Fernandez captures in her title. The surrealist sci-fi hit show of the 70s fits very well as a metaphor for the often-flailing yet eminently dangerous police state.

Fernandez does an excellent job of using her prose to say things not neatly spelled out in words. I was reminded of reading The Things They Carried in high school, and how revelatory it seemed to me at the time how the author could use the style of prose to suggest a character's mental disarrangement without simply saying he was deranged. Fernandez's prose stood out to me in a similar way—how she uses the structure of her words to capture the feelings at play.

Equally compelling is the obviously copious amounts of research Fernandez put into her work. She portrays herself as a woman consumed by a quest to find answers about this regime, and it comes across in her work. Names, dates, places, timelines — Fernandez has clearly put in the leg work to piece together the final days of the highlighted victims of the regime as much as can be done.

However, the book never comes across like a textbook. Fernandez ably weaves her research into a compelling narrative. Neither does she ever seek to blur the line between the facts and her imagination—she keeps a clean line between what she knows and what she wonders, or imagines. Nevertheless, the questions and suppositions that populate Fernandez's mind feel regrettably natural for anyone in the aggravating circumstances of a mendacious autocracy. She does an excellent job of showing how crazy-making it is to live under such a government, where you are constantly being lied to in direct contradiction of visible facts, and yet there seems to be nothing you can do but either accept the truth or taste the knuckles of the regime.

I really enjoyed this read. It breezed by and I can absolutely see what a national treasure Fernandez is as a writer! I would love to see if more of her work has been translated into English; she has a wonderful voice.

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